Reflecting into the past

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Horrible ER experience.... more pain.... will it ever end?

Last Thursday I ended up in the ER again with unbearable pain in my side..... it was again a kidney stone I was having a hard time passing. It took a total of 7 mg of IV Dilaudid to even touch the pain..... apparently, I have a severe UTI as well that I found out about that same day from a follow up nurse from a previous ER I had been to a couple weeks earlier... I had a Dr. tell me that with the amount of infection in my body (UTI that has obviously been there for quite some time, possibly caused by all the kidney stones I've had lately, the GYN infections I've been fighting to get rid of, and the UTI infection having moved into my kidneys themselves) it's amazing I'm still walking around. And the kidney stones on top of all of this infection has just really made it a fight to get through the day so often lately. I'm slowly but surely fighting off these infections but still having to deal with whatever is wrong with my liver and spleen. I'll find out more about that when I get home from Florida. So that's just an update on things......

I had taken a road trip to see a Spine Specialist that I've been seeing in Florida. It was a hard trip to say the least. We left on Saturday to make it to a Monday appointment. It's a doctor I have found that is not only treating my pain but searching for solutions as well. I can't find such a doctor in Virginia anymore because of my past addiction history. No one will any longer treat my pain in Virginia. So I searched out spine specialists who specialized in pain, SOLUTIONS to the pain, and addiction all in one. Anyway, so I'm back on pain medicine a little more regularly now again. BUT I have absolutely amazed and shocked myself with how well I've done with these pain meds. For instance, I took something when I woke up yesterday, then did probably more than I was physically capable of doing (cleaning a house from top to bottom almost, as a thank you to the friend with whom I'm staying for 2 weeks while I get my health a little more under control in order for me to make the trip back to Virginia, and then I injured myself playing with the dog and his dumb rope). Well, I just tried to bear the pain for awhile, took some motrin and no relief. So I did the whole tiger balm thing and used my new spinal stimulator that I got from the new spine doctor for several hours. All the while, I have pretty effective pain meds (Roxy's) sitting on the counter. Then I finally, after a pretty emotionally stressful night, got to bed around 1 a.m. and actually fell asleep but the pain kept waking me up along with nightmares. One particular recurring nightmare. Not until about 3:30 a.m. did I finally give in and take some pain meds. I have never in my life been able to do that. I am progressing more and more all the time with my addiction and it feels so good.

But what I really sat down to blog about is my ER experience last Thursday. It was probably one of the worst ER visits I have ever had. I can't get over how poorly someone can be treated in a hospital. Aren't these people supposed to be there to help people? Seriously, I have met some of the most unhappy people in the health profession. They HAVE to be unhappy to treat someone the way I was treated that night. That one particular nightmare to which I referred a minute ago was about this ER visit. Well I was incredibly upset from the pain and just all the emotional energy it takes to deal with the insomnia from pain and the pain itself. A lot of you know I have a pretty traumatic past and there are just some things that are hard for me to deal with even present day, such as taking my pants off in a hospital, hearing sirens (I'm much better at dealing with sirens these days), and riding in an ambulance. Well, the CT guy in the ER was ridiculously rude to me when I had a hard time laying still for the test. I wanted to give HIM a flippen kidney stone and tell him to lay still on a table that's hard as a rock. I wanted to punch him in the face is what I really wanted to do. Anyway, I finally got done with the CT and there is just no way to make this long story short. So I'm just going to skip most of it and get right to what has me so upset. For those who don't know, I was shot and gang-raped 13 years ago. I'm not seeking sympathy; just giving a little background. I have dealt with this for the most part. But the part I struggle with so much still is occasionally when I hear sirens and mostly, having to ride in an ambulance. Well, the doctor, after already upsetting me with his horrible bedside manner and his non-gentle way of examining me, etc., he told me that because I was unable to lie still for the CT, they were going to have to admit me. What is so ironic is that I had been trying to get admitted to a hospital in Virginia, or even North Carolina, somewhere near home, so they could figure out what was wrong with me and fix it once and for all; all to no avail. So I get to Florida where, after my doctor appointment, I was only going to be staying with my friend for a couple days, and they want to admit me. I was all for it until the doctor told me I would have to ride in an ambulance to be transferred to another hospital since this was a stand alone ER I was in. I asked if I could be transferred over there by my friend who was there with me. They wouldn't allow it. I was stuck. I didn't even have a CHOICE in the matter about being admitted now, after trying so hard to be admitted to no avail closer to home! When I got upset about having to ride in an ambulance, the doctor said if I didn't calm down with the crying, he would have me involuntarily committed to a PSYCH ward!!!! I was beyond offended and even traumatized by the incident. I didn't realize how much it had affected me until I had the recurring nightmare tonight about the whole experience. I have been beside myself most of the night, not only in physical pain, but also emotional pain from the way I was treated that night. So I finally decided to get up and blog. I'm hoping that I can now let the whole thing go and remember that neither he nor does any other rude health professional have the right to hurt me anymore. I have a choice in the matter. I don't have to let him continue to hurt me anymore.