Reflecting into the past

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The struggle Continues

So I'm on day 35 without pills. I hate this. I'm in so much pain today all I want is a pill. It's like I'm grieving the death of my best friend. It hurts so much. Emotionally, physically..... everything.... it just hurts. I have been running around town since 10 this morning and now I gotta go back out again after just getting home. I'm going to an NA meeting... it's one that I really like and I met some really good people there that can help me through this. I got a sponsor and I feel like God sent her to me because she is so right for me. I love her so much already..... I just got off the phone with her and she has helped me stay clean so far. I am realizing though that I cannot replace my addiction with other addictions. Like Energy drinks..... people...... anything..... that's just my personality.. I need SOMEthing comforting...... so maybe I need to get addicted to God..... hey there's a concept.....

So the meeting was a bit emotional and I'll explain that tomorrow when I'm not so tired.... by the way, I started this post yesterday and now it is tonight and I'm finishing it...... I gave myself a "down day" and slept a lot and did a lot of other pain relief methods like Tiger Balm and my TENS unit and heating pads and such.... a couple of muscle relaxers were needed but I don't abuse those..... anyway, the day helped just to do nothing but relax and take care of ME...... so anyway I have more to say but I'm too tired but feeling positive about my recovery so that's a good note to end on I suppose..... Thanks to all who have supported me through this!