Bear Hunting?

Ok so I'm in the mountains.... and I want to go bear hunting..... no one wants to go with me so maybe i'll just take an adventure by myself....... what I'm really after today is pills like I've never been before and I'm about to abuse anything in sight..... so I'm kinda trying to take my mind off of things and what better way to do so than to go bear hunting? There is so much more to this post that needs to be said because I'm just in one of those moods and I need something..... I'm flipping out...... I really thought this would get easier but it's not.... it's getting harder.... I was in a meeting the other night where a guy shared the exact same thing I was feeling so it made me feel like I wasn't so alone. But that doesn't make it any easier!!!! My sponsor is great and she helps but she can't be with me 24/7. It really is all up to me...... but one thing she told me is that when she finished reading my "step one" which was her assignment to me to write as long as I needed to write until I could convince myself that I KNEW that my life was unmanageable and that I was powerless over my addiction and she needed me to write HOW i knew so. Well I did..... it took twelve pages and I plan to share it on here.... when I get the energy to do so..... I actually have the energy right now but am too darn anxious and bored and flipping out to sit here much longer than 5 minutes.... so for now this is my post....... my Step One to follow... in the next post.......