Reflecting into the past

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Shaken Faith

Well, I've probably visited 5 doctors since I last posted. Sometimes it seems as if I'm getting answers and sometimes it feels like I'm getting nowhere. So frustrating! Tomorrow I have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. At least I get to be put under for this. Fun fun. I do have to admit that lately, my faith has been shaken quite a bit. I'm wondering where God is in all of this. I finally found an awesome Family Doctor though. She is amazing. She didn't judge me one bit about my history with narcotics. She was very supportive, in fact. I asked her if it's possible that all this pain could be just all in my head. She said it's not that it would be all in my head, but PTSD could exacerbate abdominal pain. She wants me to be seeing a counselor asap. So I'm going to be going back to therapy it looks like, but it definitely can't hurt. I have so many issues to deal with that I just ignored for several years because I was able to hide behind pills. I can't do that anymore. Even though I'm taking the pills again occasionally, I do NOT use them to self-medicate. But my addiction is beginning to scream at me big time. It is yelling at me to go back to it altogether. It's a dangerous war zone inside my head right now. But one thing I know is this; I'm getting ready to hit a downward spiral pretty quick and I'm fighting with everything in me not to.


Annette said...

Do you have a now honey. You are worth being healthy what you have to to nurture that.

My daughter is going through the whole dr drama right now. trying to get established with new dr's who don't know her and are dismissive and treat her like she is just trying to score. its very frustrating.