Family Given by God....

 I am married to Larry who is 15 years older than me. When I first met him a little over 2 years ago, he was like a father figure to me. I grew very close to him and we did everything together. I had never enjoyed being with someone so much as I did with him. In time, I grew up a whole lot and realized my relationship with him was changing. We were growing closer and closer .... it was like I was getting older and he was getting younger and eventually we realized we were soul mates. We decided to get married and we did just that on November 6, 2009. I gradually revealed to those in my life what I was doing and some were very happy for me. Some were not as understanding but I didn't really expect understanding from everyone because I realize I am unique and I don't fit into any mold. Because of several traumatic experiences in my life, I knew I would never desire a physically intimate relationship with a man, but I did want the closeness, the companionship, the togetherness, and everything else that comes with a marriage. I felt "gipped" for the longest time because I thought I would lose out if I didn't just force myself to "like" sex.  That is, until God brought Larry into my life. Our relationship is very close, emotionally intimate. It is nothing more, nothing less. And I couldn't be happier. I am finally learning I can be "me" and it's ok now!

My family dynamics aren't the everyday American family dynamics. That's just the way it is but it is what I am happy with. I am happier than I have ever been and have finally found the strength from God, from within and from those around me to push forward and work through my past --which has for so long had such a stronghold on me that I just couldn't let go. God has brought just the right people into my life and He has me where He wants me and where I need to be. For the first time, I am making huge strides and making changes I though I'd never make. For the first time in ten years, I have the desire to live life to the fullest, and in order to do so, I have to kick this drug addiction once and for all.... I have for so long wanted to do so, but just didn't have the fight in me to do it. Because of where God has me and the people He has surrounded me with and with whom I have created a family, I have it in me to fight. And that's just what I'm doing.

Larry has a 19 year old daughter to whom I am very close. Because of our age difference, we are more like sisters than me a step-mother to her, but I like it the way it is. I love her to death and don't know what I'd do without her. 

"Keagen" lived with us for about a year and then moved on to other things and she pretty much had to find herself out in the world. She is 19 now and learning a lot about a lot of things. Currently she is in a treatment center for Eating Disorders. I am more than proud of her for the strides she has taken and the progress she has made. It is only her 2nd week in treatment and I've already seen her grow so much. 

Gracie is the new "addition" to our family! Larry is going to adopt her next month. We have looked into adult adoptions and I think it's pretty amazing that you can even do such a thing. She has never had a family. She is 23 and like I said in my last post, she, like "Keagen" is like another little sister to me. She and I have formed a bond like I have never had with any one else in my life, however. God has definitely allowed us to cross paths for a reason.  We fight together and as we grow in faith, God gives us what we need to help each other fight. I've seen Gracie grow in faith faster than I have ever seen anyone grow. It's amazing to watch and it empowers me to move forward and fight for freedom. I WANT to be free finally, and I know that because of all God has done for me, I CAN be. As far as Gracie, when I first met her, I asked her where she stood in her faith and because of unspeakable experiences in her childhood, the idea of a relationship with God was a bit more than she could imagine. I understood completely. I am a Christian, but I am no Bible thumper. I am not one to push religion down anyone's throat. In fact, I don't even like the word "religion" and I told her that. I am NOT religious by any means. I simply have a relationship with God. I don't preach either. I simply share. I told her that, too. I let her know that I would never shove the Bible down her throat or tell her she was a horrible person because of anything she had done. I told her I wouldn't PUSH my faith on her but that I also would not apologize for my faith. She was very respectful of that. That night, I prayed and asked God how I could help her. His answer : Lead by example. So, that's what I am trying to do. I don't ever want to come across as someone who thinks I am better than anyone else because I try to live a certain way or because I am a Christian. Far from it. I am far from perfect.... I told her that.... but that's WHY I need God!! 

Tonight, I prayed again and asked God.... "Help me to share more of my faith with her. Help me to share something with her that will help her to realize she does need You and that if we are to beat these addictions, we are going to have to rely on Your strength. Because afterall, YOU are on OUR side!!! I was lying in bed with the music playing on one of the music channels on TV. Lately that has helped me to fall asleep at night. And this song came up that I had never heard before. I lied there and listened and it was God!!! He sent this song to me to send along to her...... Here are the lyrics:

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say 

I will continue to blog about where God has me after I get some sleep......